by Guest Blogger Laurel Marr

Hello, my name is Laurel Marr. I am a Christian and trained end-of-life (death) doula. Doulas are quickly becoming end-of-life ambassadors reshaping the American way of caring for the dying. After a century of outsourcing death care to hospitals and funeral homes, individuals are revisiting the idea of dying at home, and families are finding themselves in a new role of becoming caregivers to the dying. Doulas companion individuals and families through the process of death. My ministry work, which is centered around healing prayer and end-of-life care, began in an Episcopal Church in New York City in 2014.

Death doulas also work to engage families and communities in conversations about death. What are our experiences? What are our fears? Do we need to spend more time making sensible plans for the future? From a Christian perspective, our fear of death can be real, but we can find comfort in knowing that in Christ, death’s lasting power was diminished in the cross and the power of resurrection was revealed on an Easter morning over 2,000 years ago.

My journey of becoming an end-of-Life doula began when I stepped back into full-time work after staying home with my two children for ten years. During those ten years, I volunteered as a committee member at a Christian preschool. I felt the hint in my heart that God was calling me to ministry. Some years later, I found myself volunteering in a healing and pastoral care ministry, which opened the doors for a parish staff position. At my interview, the Rector asked me if I would be ok with cremated ashes on or near my desk. It seemed fine to me, and I accepted the position. As the Parish Administrator, I did have ashes on my desk from time to time and learned about transferring them from the box to a specific urn sized for the church columbarium. Some of my other parish duties provided time with grieving families before and after a death. Never had I imagined such a wonderful ministry call as this.

As a trained end-of-life doula, I have the opportunity to spend time with families who are in the midst of hospice services. Oftentimes, it can feel disheartening to find life can linger beyond what we desire to see. Or perhaps, it seems there is not enough time when treatment after treatment fails to extend life. As human beings, we still have to experience death. Hospice is an invaluable resource during the last months and days of life. Still, to our surprise, the care by hospice staff is limited and Americans frequently experience a shortage in caregiving.

Now and in the future, community members will find the need to help shoulder the burdens of those inside their community. These will be different forms of service depending on the tasks God calls each of us to. Whatever these vocations are, in essence, we will be wearing the masks of God as he ministers to his creation through the sufficiency of his grace.

For more information on the role of end-of-life doulas or to contact me about training, see my website.

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Laurel Marr is an End-of-life Doula Practitioner and Theologian.  Laurel began serving in ministry leadership in 2009. For much of this time, she served under the spiritual direction of the Reverend Jacob Smith at Calvary-St. George’s Episcopal Church in New York City. Calvary Church (277 Park Ave. South) holds an important history in the story of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the 1930s, the Reverend Samuel Shoemaker spiritually advised Bill Wilson, and many of the steps (12 Steps) were written in the church office.  Stemming from the journey of her recovery, Laurel has studied extensively to write reforming theology for contemporary healing prayer ministries and the Death Positive movement.  Notably, she studied Systematic and Philosophical Theology at the University of Nottingham (UK) and has a Master’s Degree from General Theological Seminary in NYC. Laurel is trained as an End-of-Life (Death) Doula and has been serving individuals, families, and communities at death since 2017.